When I became a mom, I had this very real fear that fun would be nearly impossible now that I had borne a child. I think a lot of that was based on other moms I knew letting me know that I should kiss partying goodbye, plus a self-imposed fear that I had to morph into this different person capable of “mom-ming” once the babe was born.
Thank GOD, that turned out to be a total load of bull.
You guys—being a mom provides endless opportunities for fun, plus an evolved definition of fun. And while “partying” is still on my fun list (for life), there are so many other ways I’ve realized I like to have fun (some of which involve my daughter).
The fun has evolved. I’ve evolved.
My stamina is down a bit, granted, but this is the same thing I’m hearing from my single, childless friends of the same age (I think we’re just aging. ew.). I’m still me and I still try really hard to involve myself in events, activities, parties and opportunities that intrigue me, challenge me or SOUND FUN.
A frequent complaint I hear from mamas is that they want a crazy night out dancing, but they wave it off as silly or impossible as soon as the words leave their mouths. “We’re too old for that now.” “None of my friends would go with me.” “It’s been too long.”
So on that note, I decided to share some of my secrets for having fun, especially after motherhood, when life is so so rich and also can be so so hard, and we have to decide whether the ride will be agony or a fun-filled adventure.
1. Don’t Be a Fun Blocker
We all have these people. Decide you won’t be one of them. And every time you catch yourself in the habit of blocking your fun before you’ve even tried to have it (see list of excuses above), stop that circuit and replace it with this nugget: “It’s my birthright to have it all.” Yeah, I said it.
2. Believe That It’s Possible
If you are like me post-baby, maybe you’re trapped in that depressing, “It’s all over for me now” phase of motherhood (totally normal). To you I say, you’ll get it back! (“It” being your mojo.) The easiest way to snap out of that yucky place where you’re starting to believe that mommy martyrdom is your new normal, is to just switch what you decide is possible.
Whether you’re looking to reclaim the fun from your pre-baby life or start fresh, believe the fun is yours to have. Believe new versions of fun are waiting for you with open arms and you’ll be that much closer to it. What’s that saying? “Seeing is believing?” Well sometimes it’s the other way around. if you don’t believe it first, I can promise you you won’t see it, either.
3. Make a Fun List
What are examples of experiences you’ve secretly thought might be fun but didn’t act on? Make that long list and start pulling ideas from it every time you (and the hubs) want to inject some fun, excitement and adventure into your lives.
One of the things on my fun list was to spend the night on a seriously cool and romantic houseboat with my hubs, and we did that this year for our anniversary. Ten minutes from our house and less than $200 (self-prepared dinner included!).
4. Go and Find the Fun
Maybe you desperately want a fun girl’s night, but you’ve never been the one to orchestrate it. It’s time to step up, mama. Join a Meetup group (you are welcome in ours!) or start your own, make the first move and reach out to that sweet mama you met at yoga, the PTA meeting, or on a walk in your hood. Be bold, and embrace your ability to create whatever you are seeking.
5. Believe You Deserve Fun
Us beautifully messy mommies can be hard on ourselves. We treat ourselves like crap sometimes and block anything that feels GOOD because deep down we maybe feel like we haven’t done enough to deserve FUN or JOY (*cleaned the house, finished that Pinterest project, taught our kid sign language, started that side business, brought in more cash and on and on and on).
I so feel you. You’re not insane. And the universal truth I’ve found to be true for all mothers? That thinking is just your mind playing nasty tricks on you. Having fun is your birthright. You were not born to suffer. When your brain starts to take over, remind yourself of that because fun is all well and good but if you don’t think you deserve it, you won’t enjoy even the most epic dance party of your life.
Your new mantra: Having fun is my birthright, and I was not born to suffer.
You seriously can have it all, mama, as long as you take a hot minute mapping out what “it all” looks like for you. What I know is that once I made joy, self-love and growth a non-negotiable in my own journey, “mom-ming” started to get a WHOLE lot more FUN.
What do you do to add fun to your life as a mom?
photo credit: Dirty Girl 2013 via photopin (license)
