Living in Charleston has really humbled me in the sense of feeling sorry for myself. There are a plethora of women who’s spouses belong to the military or travel for business on a regular occasion for weeks/months at a time. Most women, like me, don’t have family nearby and have friends with similar lifestyles. I’ve always been that woman who constantly reminded myself, “It could always be worse,” and, “The grass isn’t always greener.” I know my husband wouldn’t be happy working a nine-to-five job, which in turn would make us unhappy. Plus, when your husband is really good at something and it makes him happy, it’s pretty hard to resent it. We’ve always joked how we could live in a tent on the side of a mountain and be happy, but with kids that may prove to be pretty difficult.
I admit, I still catch myself looking towards the front door waiting for him to walk through in the evenings, you know, to save me. There is no one to tap you out so you can collect your thoughts and take a deep breath. He’s not there to pat you on the back when you just handled a sibling disagreement without losing your cool. There isn’t a warm body next to you in bed to snuggle with (exactly why my kids find me next to them some mornings). It’s easy to get wrapped up in the lack of things, the misfortune of not having your best friend to physically lean on every day.
We use to count down the days until he would come home and pray for a safe and speedy trip, until we realized we were wishing our days away. Life is so precious and each week that he is gone, is another week older for our two little ones. We’ve been going about this the wrong way; it’s not about counting down the days until our Daddy comes home but making the days count while he is home.
So for the mamas outside looking in and wondering, “I don’t know how you do it,” one key is treating each day the same, like nothing has changed at all. I try not to let the fact that there is one less pair of helping hands deter us from exploring; we still go to festivals, parks, the beach, and numerous of other crowded places without my husband. Although this may cause more hassle for me, instead of just hanging around the house, I don’t want our boys to feel like life is any different when we are missing our daddy. It just makes for a more difficult time for all. I have not always had this perspective. I used to feel guilty, guilty for taking the boys fun places without their daddy.
Daddy would’ve loved this…
After my husband and I came to the realization that we were just depriving the boys, we started to learn to live for today and not for the moment our daddy walked through that door.
To all the single mamas, the mamas who have husbands who work away, are on deployment, or come home every day, we all have our own struggles and our own blessings.
Live for today.