*The views expressed are my own and are not a representation of a certain religion or those of CMB.
I’m not sure where to begin.
God has had us on a crazy journey with infertility for the past several years. One that we would have never chosen for ourselves. One that involved several doctors, science, lots of faith, a whole lotta love, and more needles and appointments than I can count. However, it’s been an incredible testimony all for His glory. He has used our struggles and pain to reach others and to form a platform to speak of His goodness and faithfulness throughout it all. Something I could have never imagined for myself or our little family. It’s been a pretty crazy journey thus far, and honestly, I’m thankful for every rollercoaster moment we’ve endured. It’s tested and strengthened us in ways we otherwise wouldn’t have experienced. And it’s put this gals Type A personality through the ringer.
I don’t know about you, but I’m constantly trying to figure out our next move- how and when we will start over again to continue growing our family, how we will afford it, the time of year we want to start the process again, etc. etc. etc. And just when I think I have things figured out, He decides to prove Himself in control-not me. Hence my Type A-ness being put through the ringer!
So, needless to say… ALL of my “plans” are out the window. What we were told wouldn’t be able to happen without science intervention again, happened. God sure does have a sense of humor, and totally and unexpectedly surprised us.
Just God and a mustard seed sized amount of faith. Because we all want to believe it could happen this way, but never truly expect it to happen once we’ve been down the infertility road.
Yea, I’m still processing the news.
To be completely transparent, I am shocked and overwhelmed and excited and scared and crazy nervous. I mean, three little babes 14 months apart!! (If you’ve been here before– PLEASE give me all of the tips and tricks). All I can think is….insanity! We’ve always wanted our kids close in age, but when you go through IVF, you’re in control of the timing. Not the outcome, but when you want to pursue and all that jazz. (There’s that Type A again!) When it “just happens” well, y’all know- it’s not so much left up to your planning and timing no matter how much you believe it is. I guess this is what the “other side” feels like!
We aren’t sure how or why God has chosen this path for us, but we are embracing it while dealing with this weird thing I refer to as “survivors guilt.” It hit hard when we got pregnant with the twirls- knowing we had beat infertility while so many others are still in the trenches. And it’s hitting in a very different, yet just as profound, way this time. It’s hard to understand why He lets some walk painful journeys while allowing others to experience it with ease. It’s something I can’t wait to ask when this life is over.
So, for all of you journeying down this path- always know that He is bigger than ALL things. Regardless of what the doctors say, how many rounds of IUI/IVF, or your prognosis. We are just along for the ride, not in the driver’s seat. And while we might not understand, or like, or enjoy the journey He has us on to get to our desired destination of parenthood, His timing and plans are greater. Experience all the emotions, but always cling to the hope and promises He gives us. Let your journey be a testimony for His glory. Never ever believe that this is all in vain.