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When Funny Mom Quotes Becomes Real Life

My husband and I created my daughter, but I grew her in my stomach. I felt her kick first, and her first hiccups. I birthed her and held her first. She even looks like me! She’s my mini-me and I bet that we will be best friends.

BUT DANG IT WOMAN! I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP IN THE BATHROOM!

‘No sweet tatah, mommy doesn’t need your help in taking down my pants.’

‘Can you go downstairs with Daddy and hang out?’

‘No my love, I don’t need more toilet paper.’

‘Go downstairs with Daddy and I will be there in a minute. Mommy just wants five minutes alone, I’ll be right there.’

‘UGH FINE! Just stand there and don’t touch anything.’

And bathing…please! That has to be left for either when she’s gone to bed for the night, or down for a nap and by then I want a nap of my own.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that Audrey is curious and wants to learn, and I don’t want to take that from her, but sometimes Mommy needs a break.When Funny Mom Quotes Becomes Real LifeI would consider myself a medium sleeper. I have been all my life. Usually once I am asleep, that’s it for the night. Of course, there are the normal things that will wake me up-needing to go to the bathroom, nightmares, etc. I can now officially call myself a light sleeper and say how much I detest the baby monitor.

Apparently ‘mommy mood’ doesn’t turn off when your eyes close at night. It’s almost as though I lose function of all other senses and then my super human hearing turns on to full blast.  And of course, there is my wonderful husband…snoring away without a care in the world…

Must.

Be.

Nice.

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Don’t get me wrong, Audrey is a great child…until she’s not. My husband and I do our best to assimilate her into the real world by taking her to dinners, to the grocery store, on plane rides. You know, normal everyday activities, and we always get compliments about how well behaved she is. All I can think to myself is ‘well of course she is you fools, she’s out in public!’ Because as soon as we are in the confines of our home, her alter ego appears. I kid you not, she even has a growling voice like she is in The Exorcist. It is both amazing and terrifying all at the same time. But hey, I appreciate the compliment, because at least she knows how to act in public!

When Funny Mom Quotes Becomes Real Life

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