Nothing can prepare you for the moment when you find out that you are having twins. I will never forget that day when my doctor told me, “Wow! There are two gestational sacs!” and me, responding like a clueless, new mom-to-be, “Is that good?” She responded, “You’re having twins…TWINS!”
I’ve never been so scared and so excited in my entire life. I forgot twins even existed before that moment, and I have never been so blindsided by information. Ever.
But as soon as the shock trauma wore off, all I felt was lucky. I don’t know how or why this happened to me, but it is truly special and amazing, and I can’t believe I get to be these little girls’ mama.
I’m an organized, type-A planner, so I took on the whole twin thing like I was competing in an Olympic sport. I ran this family like a Baby Bootcamp. I wouldn’t have changed the way I did any of it because that’s how we survived.
My life revolved around nap and feeding schedules for a solid year. I believed if we got off schedule once, we would never get back on schedule…EVER. I am so connected with these girls, but in some ways I feel a little gypped. I didn’t get to snuggle with my babies like I always pictured, there was no rocking them to sleep, or letting them nap on my chest.
I had a long list of rules that I followed explicitly. In the time that I wasn’t feeding or changing one of them, I was attached to a pump trying desperately to make enough breast milk for two.
I didn’t leave the house with my children by myself for the first six months. I could hold it together during the day, but as soon as they would go to bed, I was completely overcome with anxiety. I turned into an OCD control freak. Thank God this was all just a stage. When I was in it, it felt like it was going to last forever.
My twins are now 2.5 years old, and I just had another baby, my third girl.
I had an entirely different experience this time around…a do over. My parenting strategy is completely opposite. I need her to go with the flow and have a flexible schedule as opposed to the complete psycho sleep and eat schedule Nazi that I was the first time around.
She takes naps on me all the time; we all snuggle with her every chance we get. She’s my last baby, and I’m really soaking it all in this time. She goes everywhere I go while the big girls are in preschool and takes naps in the car seat or Bjorn carrier on the reg. I take her with me to get my hair done, to get a pedicure, errands around town, etc… (things I wouldn’t have even dreamed of with two newborns).
I’m confident in my mom skills, and I don’t have to be phased by the little things like clipping fingernails, rectal thermometers, and Nosefrida usage (which used to totally put me over the edge).
I have mommy guilt (because mommy guilt is never ending) that my baby is getting a more sane, fun version of her mommy than the twins got. I wish I had been able to snuggle and give them more one on one time, but the truth is, I was just trying to survive.
And to be honest, I’m proud of myself for making it a such a successful operation. All you can do it the best you can do, right?
Loved this! Hoping to be in your same shoes soon. Twin 2.5 year old boys at home and we’re trying again. Fingers crossed.
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