Motherhood: The Giant Game Of “Never Have I Ever…”

“Never Have I Ever…” You remember that game right?

It is the get-to-know you, tell-all game that often reveals life’s funny or embarrassing moments.

Ellen Degeneres routinely plays “Never Have I Ever” on her show. Ellen begins by saying “Never Have I Ever (fill in the blank…)” and then celebrities answer holding up a paddle that reads “I Have” or “I Have Not.”

There is only one rule: no judgement.

I feel like motherhood is just one giant game of “Never Have I Ever.”

Before I became a mother, I made statements like, never will I let my kids watch the iPad while out at a restaurant. I will never yell at my child in public. I will never let my child act like that.

Let me tell you, I would (sheepishly) answer “I have” to all those now (although it would be a lot cooler if I could admit it on Ellen sitting next to someone like Channing Tatum).

The thing is, being a mother sometimes entails doing things you never thought you would. And swallowing some pride is typically involved here or there. I have learned that I eat every word I said before I was a mother. And yet my husband and I still make statements about phases in life that haven’t happened yet, knowing some day we will likely eat those words too.

I think it would be hilarious to one day play “Never have I ever…” while at the playground with fellow moms.

So I decided to try it.

Here are some of my closest mommy friends responses (and I may be guilty of a few of these…):

Never Have I Ever…

– Used the TV as a babysitter (pretty much every day…)

– Simply told a small white lie to avoid a long drawn out explanation (Caillou is sleeping today…)

– Known that I had spit up (or worse, poop) on my shirt, cleaned it with a wipe, and still walked out the door

– Bribed my child with candy, ice-cream, or more TV time

– Used my child as an excuse to get out of doing or going somewhere – “He just doesn’t feel great…”

– On the other hand, sent my son to preschool knowing he doesn’t feel well – “What? I need to come pick him up early…that came on quick.”

– Gone to the grocery store in the same thing I woke up in

– Let swimming in the pool count as a bath for my kids

– Known a friend’s child that I am watching has a poopy diaper, but waited until they got home to let them change it (only max ten minutes or so…)

– Hidden a book in the house because I was tired of reading it (Do you know how long Curious George Goes to the Hospital is?)

– Worn maternity clothes years after the birth of my child, and not because I was pregnant again

– Shown up somewhere only to realize my kids have no shoes on (Walmart barefoot? Ugh…)

-Sang, made funny noises, screamed my child’s name to keep them from falling asleep in the car so I get my three hour nap guarantee

– Spent the entire time my child was at preschool watching TV, then told my husband I was really productive

– Said something and suddenly realized – “Oh no! I have become my mother…”

What are some of your “never have I ever”-s?