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Pressures of a “Perfect” Pregnancy

Being able to carry and have a baby is literally the most incredible thing I’ve ever been lucky enough to experience. I mean, how can growing little human beings not be?! It is such a miracle, and one that we fought extremely hard to experience. Four years to be exact. Science and love and faith brought our tiny miracles into this world, and for that I am forever changed and thankful.

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Our Embryos

But, it doesn’t mean that I enjoyed every single minute. In fact, to say that would be a bold-faced lie.

Let’s all do a collective gasp.

Now hear me when I say this: Yes, we prayed for years, and went through tons of treatments and procedures to get to where we are today. And yes, I am more than thankful and in awe that they are here with us. I couldn’t imagine life without them at this point. But, I did not enjoy being pregnant. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. And I pray that we will again soon.

You hear a lot of women that have gone through infertility struggles get extremely sensitive and borderline–no completely–judgmental when it comes to other women’s pregnancies. As if being able to get pregnant by chance excludes you from being able to have all the feels about it. Not to mention if you fought to get pregnant with the help of science… then by all means you better love every single second of it and not complain one ounce. Or you will be judged and condemned. Period. As someone who is an active advocate and part of the infertility community, I have seen this firsthand. And it breaks my heart.

Some of you are not going to like what I say next, but here I go..

For the love, just stop it. STOP. IT.

Yep. There, I said it. Someone needed to.

Yes, being pregnant is amazing and an absolute gift. But, don’t think for one second that every moment is pure bliss. And don’t put the expectation on yourself or others to have to feel like it is.

IT IS HARD.

It’s hard on your body physically. It’s hard on you emotionally and mentally. Your body is going through crazy rapid changes. Can we say morning sickness, raging mood swings, sore hips, constipation, insomnia, skin tags in random places (oh yes), bleeding gums, varicose veins, and your parts swelling to unrecognizable beings just to name a few?! {Y’all I made a list of every single change so as not to have “momnesia” and forget the reality of it all!} What happens is crazy and hard to experience. And it’s absolutely okay to feel like it is, and even admit it. Now, I understand that not everyone has a tough pregnancy. But, 99% of my friends have admitted out loud or when questioned that at least parts of it were rough. I literally know two people that said they loved every minute. Two. That is not a very high number y’all. So why do we expect women who are pregnant-regardless of their journey to get there- to act like its cupcakes and unicorns?!

my swollen feet. aka. cankletastic

My cankletastic feet. In the end I could hardly walk, and the only “shoes” that fit were these slippers.

I am here to tell you that it is okay to not be in love with being pregnant. It is okay to be real with it. And I would encourage you to be open and honest about it.

Does that mean complain incessantly about every ache, pain, and change happening? No.

Does it mean that you have to publicize all of it? Nope.

What it does mean is to allow yourself and others the chance to be real. Some days are harder than others. Some pregnancies are hard for the entire ten months. And some never have anything but a wonderful experience (you are unicorns in my humble opinion ;)) Regardless, stop with the mom pressure and mom guilt before you even get started y’all-and then drop it all together!

Our journeys to mommahood, and during it, are all uniquely ours. Stop placing your expectations on one another. And by all means give yourself some grace. Allow yourself to go through the emotions of it all– as I like to say “feel all the feels” the good, the bad, the ugly. Mostly though, try to enjoy the good parts…even if it is just focusing on the end result of holding that baby and dreaming about what that will be like. Because that is the part that is pure bliss.

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These precious twins were worth every ache and pain.

 

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One Response to Pressures of a “Perfect” Pregnancy

  1. Lauren
    Lauren September 22, 2016 at 7:38 am #

    Yes! We all feel so fortunate to be pregnant . . . and we are and then we feel like jerks for complaining. But it is hard! REAL HARD.