So it begins…little voices next to your bed. They are up and now so are you. The voices in your head begin…
“What time is it?” “Don’t they know the sun isn’t even up yet and that I didn’t get to bed until after midnight?” “Why did the little one have to wake up the big one?”
So you get up and turn on some Saturday morning cartoons, hoping to get another 30 minutes of shut-eye. You snuggle back into your warm bed and the voices continue…
“Is that birthday party today?” “I should probably get up and shower if so.” “Did I put those clothes in the dryer yesterday?”
Your 30 minutes have now come and gone, and they are arguing over who will wake you up. You figure that maybe it would be the right thing to pry yourself out of bed and feed them, since you aren’t sleeping anyway.
They both want something different to eat: one savory, one sweet…complete opposite.
“Maybe I can fix my coffee after I feed them.”
Now they want seconds, I forgot their drinks and the little one is crying because the dog ate his last strawberry.
Your inside voices turn into a verbal yell for help.
“MOMMY NEVER ATE YET!“ “YOU COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BEFORE I SAT DOWN!”
“MOMMY JUST WANTS COFFEE!”
You immediately feel guilty for yelling when you look at their sweet faces, but that is short-lived.
They begin to argue about whose fault it was for making you upset.
You point out of the kitchen and yell, “GO!!”
They listen and start playing together as if nothing happened. Kids are awesome that way, so resilient.
Not you, you sit there with your thoughts, slowly sipping on your now ice-cold coffee.
“Why does everything have to be so difficult?” “Why can’t we all sit down for breakfast without meltdowns and complaining?” “Why did I blow up over something so simple?” “They seem fine but are they really?”
Look, I know we have all kinds of days, challenging, positive, questionable, reaffirming or maybe even undesirable.
Yes, I’ve yelled and I’ve cried in front of my children. Some may think it shows weakness as a mother; well, I like to look at the glass half-full. I feel that my children are not sheltered from the impact of raw emotions. If and when I have an outburst that I may have felt was inappropriately handled, I communicate my concerns to my children. Even though they are three and five years old, I gather them and explain to them why I reacted the way I did and how we can all improve our communication.
Let’s face it, we as mothers continue to raise the bar on what a “good mom” should be. The perpetual raising of the bar results in our continued disappointment and disapproval of ourselves. These voices in our heads should not be ignored but noticed and addressed. Only when we communicate what we are internally thinking, will our families become united.