Why I Worry: Raising Military “Brats”

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April is the month of the military child, and since I live with three of them – my own two air force “brats” and my army “brat” of a husband, I believe this group of around 2 million children throughout the world is a group worth celebrating.

But what about the mothers of these children? Raising children in the military comes with it’s own unique set of worries, and since I am a worrier, I think of them all…constantly.

Jacque II

I worry my sons will never make great lasting friendships since they are always on the move. I worry they will not be accepted at the next school. I worry their dad will miss out on too much.

I worry about who the next president will be, and which party will control congress, and what will happen next in the world that could rock our family life. I worry that more deployments will be coming down the pipeline. I worry about where my husband or our military friends may be sent and whether or not they are in danger.

I worry about a thing called a “365” – in which service members are asked to spend a year in often remote locations without their families. I worry about whether or not to go with my husband when he spends weeks training in another location. Is it better to go with and live in a hotel room, as my husband spends his days at work? Or stay behind and continue the routine we have in Charleston? (Every spouse answers this one differently).

I worry about moving to a new location and having to “start over” meeting new mom friends and branching out. I worry if I will be accepted. I worry about military cuts, and the fact that my husband’s job is not quite as secure as it used to be. I worry about not raising my boys near family, and if they will miss that later in life.

Jacque IV

There is a lot to worry about when raising military children, but I have learned that there is just a lot to worry about raising children period. Mothers tend to worry, no matter what their situation.

However, my worrying is neither helpful nor constructive.

Last summer, I worried repeatedly about what to do when my husband was scheduled to go to six weeks of training in Oklahoma and then be home for only ten days before deploying overseas. I could not decide if I should go with him to training or stay behind. (Who would take care of the dog? Is it better to stay here? Etc…) I worried and contemplated and talked it out until I was blue in the face.

Then you know what happened? My husband ended up being called off the deployment and staying home.

Jacque III

That’s the thing about military life, and life in general, it is always changing, always morphing, and control is just an illusion. Change is inevitable, but worrying about that change, trying to control it, will drive you mad.

One way I cope is by realizing that while I am not in control, there is someone else much bigger than me at work. Matthew 6:34 reads, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” And in the eight years I have been in this military lifestyle I have learned to look to that verse for guidance.

Jacque I

So, fellow military mamas, or any other worrying mamas out there, I hope you have learned your way to cope with the worry. I hope you make it through today without worrying, or maybe we should start even smaller…let’s just make it through the next half hour.

Are you a military spouse? What worries do you have?