Children and Funerals: The Raw Truth

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It’s one of those things you don’t think about until you encounter it. Granted, there are many factors that should be considered before making your decision. Honestly, when is a suitable time, if ever, to let your child say “goodbye” to a loved one?

Both of our boys attended my grandparent’s funeral. At the time, they were merely one and three-years-old.  I assumed our oldest got the gist of it. I mean, he visited her almost daily, leading up to her last day here on earth.

I’d asked him Where did Maw Maw go? “To heaben to be with God.”

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So maybe the “raw truth” would be the best parenting approach for me and my husband. You know, not sugar-coating, even from the get-go?

Flash forward three years…

We now have an almost four and six-year-old, and unfortunately we were faced with another similar situation just recently.

My husband’s grandparent was called up to heaven, and without hesitation, I decided that we’d all be there by his side for support. This time was different, it was more intense because they were older and more aware. We’ve always been open with our boys thus far regarding death, remember “raw truth?” Let’s be honest, death is hard, maybe even more-so for our little ones.

There was a celebration of life after the ceremony, where all the family shared stories, food, laughs, and hugs. Our boys seemed to have handled it exceptionally well and enjoyed the time with cousins they don’t see often.

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It wasn’t until a week later, while rocking my youngest that I realized maybe we had made a mistake. His light-hearted make-believe stories turned into quiet sobs. He began to say…

“What will I do when you die?”

“If you die, Daddy will be all alone.”

“When Daddy goes to work, who will take care of us?”

“When Daddy dies who will take care of me and Bubba?”

Oh my heart just shattered, and I immediately clinched his shoulders in the biggest hug I could possibly give. I said, “You will never have to worry about that, I promise you’ll never be alone.”

Oh y’all, can I just tell you my heart was breaking because this is something I pray about regularly. Just like every mom, we want to see our children grow old. Realizing that my almost four year-old is thinking so deeply, made me wonder, “Did I make a mistake letting him go the funeral?”

NO.

We are a family, good and bad, we will be by each other’s side. This is just another opportunity to teach our children a life-lesson. God knows we will have plenty to address in the future.

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6 COMMENTS

  1. You are correctly planting the seeds into your young children. Every situation in life, good, bad, indifferent, gives us an opportunity to talk about the Good News of our Lord’s plan for Salvation. This will eventually lead to a more in depth conversation of His children being with Him through eternity with our loved ones there to welcome us. God’s children are never separated.

  2. I agree so much with this. The past two funerals we’ve been to have been from cancer. That has left Blaise with even more questions but I feel it’s important to be informed and to say our final good byes.

  3. I totally agree! I went through the same situation with Zoe, who was 5 when her Paw Paw Roy passed away. Those 2 were like peas and carrots and she was devastated. Even at 6, 7, & 8 she would still often cry saying how much she missed him. She also had those same questions you mentioned about death and got upset whenever she thought about it. But these are the perfect times to teach them about faith, love, humanity, and God’s plan for all of us. Now she’s almost 15 and of course death is still upsetting as it is to all of us, but her faith is strong, she’s had a longer time to process what it all means, and I believe it gives her a better understanding of how to handle it. It also instills the value of how important it is to celebrate life! <3

    • Oh sweet girl. I think the hardest for us so far, has been teaching him to not live in fear because I myself am still learning. God wants us to walk in joyfullness and not the fear of what may come. Love you my sister.

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