I know this may sound weird, but I get excited whenever my menstrual cycle starts. Now before you give me the side eye, I know what you’re thinking. Why on earth am I excited for oily skin, mood swings, bloating, fatigue, and all the greatness that comes with menstrual cramps? Well, let me explain.
I found out that I was pregnant with my son three weeks after starting a new job. We were trying for awhile to get pregnant, but when I decided to change careers, my husband and I planned to hold off for a few years until the timing was just right. Well, fate had other plans for us because the timing was right now. I wasn’t completely sure how my new employer would handle the news. I feared for the worst and totally panicked about how I could jump into this new position knowing I’d be going on maternity leave in a few months. Would I be able to keep up? It wasn’t the ideal timing we had in mind initially.
Fast forward two years later, and our amazing son is truly the joy of our lives. I love being his mother and I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. And fortunately, my job was quite ecstatic and supportive when I told them I’d be expecting. I’ve managed to balance being a mom and working full-time quite well. But even though I was able to figure out how to balance motherhood and working full-time, I have to admit that I am terrified about missing my cycle.
My husband and I have always wanted children, but nothing prepares you for the reality of being a parent until you’re in it. The sleepless nights, repeated moments of uncertainty, the breast milk stains, and extra belly flab that sits over my thighs. My husband and I are finally to a place where we’re starting to feel like humans again. I don’t think I am ready to dive back into that space again. Not now.
I knew motherhood wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but I honestly underestimated how much I’d have to juggle between taking care of our home and taking care of me. It’s a lot sometimes. The idea of adding another baby into that mix honestly frightens the crap out of me, and I am not ready for it. Truthfully, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for it again.
Not that the thought of having another child has not passed our minds. My husband and I have discussed this before. We’ve talked about the day that we’d give our son a little brother or sister. We both have siblings and the relationship we have with them is amazing. I want our son to experience that loving relationship with a sibling too. But, our plans are that the next time around won’t be for a few years…maybe.
I think about who would watch both of my kids. How will I juggle going to work full-time, picking one up from school, and another from day care? It’s doable. I know it is. My mother did it, and I see other mamas doing it. But I don’t think I’m quite ready for that level of Supermom-ness.
So, yes. When I get my menstrual cycle I am a bit relieved. I can breathe a little easier. I say, “Hello!” That is, until the next month rolls around again.
