When Your Husband Travels for Work

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Truth be told, my husband doesn’t travel much for work anymore. He used to travel several times a month to many different US cities and abroad. This was a big part of why he switched jobs; if he had to keep traveling for work we would have ended up divorced. We are partners. He listened to me and recognized that this was a big strain in our relationship. Something had to be done. He doesn’t travel as often now, but it still happens.

I’m a stay-at-home mom of two little ones. I want to be home with my children, but I also want to be a professional, to have a life outside of my family, so I’ve always worked part-time from home. My parents live 4,081 miles away (I googled it) and his parents are in Florida. Like many of my friends, I have zero help on a daily basis during the week, and on the weekends – it’s me and my hubby. We have lots of friends here, and I’m lucky that I can fill my week with playdates and amazing friends.

I know I should be grateful that he has a job and that he can provide for our family. I am also very thankful that my bout as a single mom ends. I know he comes back; it is only ten days. I do it. I can do it. Yes, I’m more tired, and yes, it’s hard, but it’s not that bad.

However, the first thing I feel when he tells me he has to travel out of town is resentment… for many reasons.

I resent him traveling because right now he is spending ten days in Paris and London. I am French; I get to go home once in a while. My husband has spent a lot more time in my home country than I have in the last six and a half  years. He gets to speak to French people, be in Paris, eat delicious food, see amazing architecture and history.

I resent him traveling because he is going to spend time in London where I lived for five years. Some of my best friends are still there. We have family there. I’ve seen them once since 2009; he’s seen them many more times.

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I resent him traveling because for ten days he is going to be all by himself with no parental duties. He is going to sleep through the night, have breakfast, brush his teeth, shower, use the restroom, work all day, go out at night, probably read a book, see friends and family, enjoy his dinner all by himself.

He won’t have to wipe bottoms, wipe tears, fight a toddler to eat her vegetables or not throw toys, not run in the streets, yes, it’s enough TV time, no, you can’t stay up in the dark, yes, you have to wear your seatbelt, no, I don’t want to listen to Frozen again, please put your shoes on… You know the drill.

I resent him traveling because to be nice he is going to tell me he doesn’t like to travel for work. At least, own up to it and admit it’s exhilarating to be away for a while.

I resent him traveling because since I became a mom, I have been away from my children three times. One time for a four-day training when my oldest was two years old, another time for a weekend in Paris when I was newly pregnant with our second daughter, and this past November for three days for a bachelorette weekend. That’s it. I’ve been a mom for four and a half years, roughly 1,642 days, and I’ve been away from my kids nine days, just nine. I can’t even start counting how many days he’s been away, I would resent him even more.

I resent his travels because they bring the worst out of me. I become jealous and selfish. Why not me? Why am I not traveling? So you know what? I’ve started a new business that is going to take me places and I can’t wait for him to resent me for it.

How do you feel when your spouse is out of town?