I Can’t Get Rid of the Baby Monitor

0

I remember when I first presented the idea to my husband to get a baby monitor. My son was five months old, and we had transitioned him to sleeping in his own room. I was no longer breastfeeding, and we decided it would be fine for our little one to sleep in his crib. My husband thought doing this would help us sleep easier, and that we’d be getting back to a normal bedtime routine. Not to mention, we could have our alone time together in the evenings. But the problem I was facing…I couldn’t sleep.

I was so afraid that I would fall into such a deep sleep that I wouldn’t hear my son cry from the other room. What if he needed me? What if he had a bad dream? With my son in his own bedroom, I could no longer peek into his bassinet beside the bed in case I heard him whimper.

I dreaded the night time because I knew I would lay awake in bed wondering if my little guy was doing okay. I would find myself getting up throughout the night to go to his room. I would crack his door. I would wait for a few seconds to make sure I could still hear him breathing. I would attempt to tip toe quietly to his room, only to realize that my need to check on him often throughout the night was now keeping my husband awake.

Hello baby monitor

Getting a baby monitor seemed like the perfect fix. I didn’t require the expensive high tech monitor with several functionalities. I only needed a simple baby monitor with video and audio control. To me, I felt like the monitor would give me that peace I was seeking.

No more running back and forth to check on him. No more getting out of the bed at night. No more waiting outside his door to make sure he’s still breathing. With the monitor, I could have the ease of doing the things I needed to do during the day, and have it nearby to see what he’s doing at night. It gave me the ability to breathe a little easier. It gave me the feeling that whatever I was doing, a part of my son was still nearby.

My son is 16-months-old now, and we still use his monitor. I didn’t have a time frame or age limit in mind in which I’d get rid of it. I guess I figured it would hit me one day where I realized I didn’t use it as often so we didn’t need it anymore. But, I still use it and I still feel I need it. I still check it periodically as I’m cooking dinner and he’s napping. I still check it randomly in the middle of the night.

One day my husband asked, “Do we still need to use this?” I found myself in shock that he questioned the need for it. Surely he’s seen how often I use it. It made me wonder if it was truly time to let it go. But even today, I don’t feel like it is.

Truth is, I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t want to get rid of it and I’m not ready to. I wouldn’t say that I’m addicted or attached to the monitor, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable without it right now.

What if he needs me?

I know. My son is such a big boy now. He’s developing his little personality, and he’s no longer the helpless baby he was a few months ago. He sleeps through the night just fine, and each morning he has the biggest smile on his face which lets me know that he did just fine sleeping that night.

But, there’s something about knowing that I can sleep peacefully at night and still hear him through his monitor. I’m not ready to get rid of the baby monitor.

I can admit that there are some nights the monitor does its job a little too well. Those nights where I can hear everything. Those nights when he’s just snoring or rolling around to get comfortable. Those nights where he’s wide awake and tapping his feet until he falls back asleep. Those nights where he’s dreaming and laughing. Those nights where the monitor does keep me awake.

But, on those nights where I play with the idea of turning the monitor off, the little voice in my head says, “What if tonight is the night he’ll really need you?” 

So, I continue to keep it. I can’t get rid of the baby monitor.

Can you relate? Did you have a hard time parting with your baby monitor?