My child comes first in my life. Yep, I said it. My daughter is my number one. There is nothing that comes before her, and there is no exception. That includes my marriage.
Whether you agree or disagree with me, that’s 100% totally cool in my book. I’m not trying to make anyone feel the way that I feel. But, I’m tired of reading articles about how if your marriage isn’t first, then you’re wrong. Those articles make me so mad. Guess what articles; my life is my life, and I choose to put my daughter first.
Sure, marriage is supposed to be forever, and I certainly hope mine is, but in reality, many are not (and not all of them end because people put the kids first). You know what is forever?Being a mom. My husband and I decided to have a baby and when we made that decision, we knew that our lives would change. We both agreed that the baby would be first. My husband and I are both capable people, and while it’s nice to have a partner in life, we don’t *need* each other. Our baby *needs* us, her needs come first, and we love every minute.
We don’t long for date nights or vacations alone. We want to be with our baby every minute of every day. When we go on vacation, we want her to be there. What fun would it be without her? She’s the coolest person we know.
Often people say, oh, but your life will become about the baby if you don’t put your marriage first. Obviously! That’s what happens when you have kids, and we’re ok with that. Plus, that’s probably going to happen no matter how much marriage-time you try to schedule. The articles always say your kids will leave you, but your marriage is forever. OMG guys, my husband and I didn’t have a baby for companionship. We had a baby because we wanted to have a baby, to raise her, and for her to become a successful person doing what makes her happy. When she leaves the house, we’ll be both super proud and super bummed (by the way, she’s welcome to stay as long as she wants. Yep, I said it.) Even when she’s not living under our roof, she’ll still be the biggest and best part of our lives.
These articles always paint a crazy perception of putting children first, as if the “scales” are so disproportionate, as if putting your child first means completely devaluing your marriage. I love my baby more than anything, or anyone, in this world and absolutely nothing can change that. I also love my husband a ton, that’s part of the reason I thought it would be a fab idea to have a baby together. You know what’s awesome? That both he and I know that we’re second in one another’s lives and we’re fine with that.
We’ve been together for 18.5 years. What we have is working. The way we make decisions together is working. Our home life is working. Being parents together is working. I do not need any more articles telling me otherwise. Are we perfect people? Absolutely not! But, we weren’t perfect when it was just us, and we won’t be perfect when our daughter leaves the nest either! We’re the same, imperfect people we’ve always been, but now we have a super amazing baby who’s part of our family!
If you feel differently, that’s your prerogative, do what works for you and your family! I’m just sick of the articles with lists of ways the author thinks I should be living my life. We’re very happy with the baby at the top of our hierarchy. That doesn’t mean she’s the boss or gets to be a hellion. That just means that her needs come first. We brought her into this world, we commit our lives to her, and we like it that way. She is our universe and we couldn’t be happier about it.