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Thoughts on Heaven {Pregnancy Loss}

Here I am…29 weeks pregnant with baby boy #2.  Starting to feel very ready to meet our second and final baby (God-willing).

Preparations are in full swing now: paint, hospital classes, extra snuggles with the big brother to-be, and the like.  Excitement and anticipation are building by the minute.  It’s almost game time.  Time to “complete” our family.  And although I know this baby will complete our family here on earth, there is still a part of me that wonders if it’ll ever feel completely complete until we are all together – someday in heaven.

clouds heaven II

“A Mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.”

– Franchesca Cox

October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

It doesn’t take a month’s observation to remind me of our two babies lost.

People say all the wrong things when your pregnancy ends in loss.  Who can blame them?  There is no right thing to say.  “Hang in there.”  “It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.”  “I know someone who had three miscarriages and then three healthy children.  Hang in there.”  “Someday, it’ll all make sense.”

I must admit, I do see some truth in that last quote.

I get that if our first pregnancy did not end in miscarriage, we may not have our beloved son.  Our second pregnancy resulted in the birth of Max Joseph, the best thing that has ever happened to us.  But if I hadn’t miscarried the first pregnancy, would that baby have been our Max?  Because there is no other way than having this very Max in our lives…so does that make it all “make sense?”  Same goes for the third pregnancy that ended in an ectopic pregnancy.  Would that baby be the same as the one I’m carrying now?  I’m pretty sure science indicates “no” on that.  So then, is everything “as it’s meant to be?”

Here’s what I want to know…what will our family look like in heaven?

When we get there, will my babies still be babies or will they be grown?  If they are babies, will they stay as such or grow in our presence?  Will we be a family of six, or will we lead two separate existences with two different sets of children?

I know we will get to meet our sweet babies, but in what way?  And for how long?

There is such mystery in the idea of heaven.  I trust that it will be nothing short of magical to all be united for the very first time, but cannot help but wonder how that will look.

Clouds heaven

“Baby, let sweet Jesus hold you until till Mom and Dad can hold you.  You’ll just have heaven before we do.”

– Glory Baby, Watermark

I believe in heaven and know that the 6 of us will be together someday.  Until then, we will honor our babies lost by living life to the fullest as a complete family of four here on earth.  Until then…

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One Response to Thoughts on Heaven {Pregnancy Loss}

  1. Heidi October 15, 2015 at 1:24 pm #

    You brought tears to my eyes… Sending love to you! I truly admire your strength and know what a wonderful mother you are.